2010 September Pawpawty Sekurity Report

by JB Hippo on September 11, 2010

in reports

September’s pawpawty theme was a Fail Whale Cruise Ship. The sweet senior pups of the United Kingdom’s Oldies Club were the recipients of $1444 in donations from anipals and friends around the globe.

Our very own Lieutenant Shawnee created our fantastic Sekurity Uniforms for the cruise.

Sekurity Team Roll Call


Captain Snickers


Lieutenant Shawnee


Sergeant Brutus


Officer Morris


Officer Cheshire


Officer Hella


Officer Duchess


Officer JB


Officer Benji


Officers Aedan & Winston


Official Sekurity Team Report

2:00 PM Pawpawty begins! Captain Snickers in on first Sekurity shift during the Fail Whale Cruise.
3:56 PM Officer Hella arrives.
HANDOFF REPORT i haz nothing at all to report in handoff! very quiet #pawpawty so far.
4:00 PM Captain Snickers goes off duty and Officer Hella takes over.
5:50 PM Guests are advised to block “momvenuddVance”. They’ve been reported as spam!
5:56 PM Officer Duchess slides in and reports for duty.
HANDOFF REPORT It’s been a very quite pawty, nothing to report!
6:02 PM Officer Hella clocks out. Officer Duchess in on duty.
6:55 PM SEKURITY ALERT: That pesty (and oh-so-crispy!) bot “Bacon_FTW” is back! Officer Duchess is going to put the bitey on him.
8:01 PM Lt. Shawnee reports for her shift.
HANDOFF REPORT Anipals all good! *wiping leaky eyes* @TheNascarKitty just stopped by.
8:04 PM Lieutenant Shawnee is now on duty and Officer Duchess signs off.
8:17 PM SEKURITY ANNOUNCEMENT: (via a visual) http://twitpic.com/2lbvj1
8:56 PM Oh my goodness! Lieutenant Shawnee has to rescue @georgetheduck! http://twitpic.com/2lc8zd
9:17 PM Officer Shawnee carts off @MugsyDog to sober up a bit.
9:32 PM The bacon bot has returned! Sekurity advises the pawtygoers to block the annoying retweeter.
9:56 PM Officer Benji is ready for his shift.
HANDOFF REPORT All has been pritty kwiet here. Just an incident with @georgetheduck carted off by burds and losing speedos.
9:56 PM Lieutenant Shawnee signs off. Officer Benji is now on Sekurity detail.
11:44 PM @marshallsheldon & @Hankthedoggy are being arrested for streaking! Officer Duchess has them hidden under a beach towel.
11:50 PM Officer Benji escorts the two streakers to jail (the brig!)
11:52 PM @marshallsheldon & @Hankthedoggy are booked!
11:58 PM Someone named “Willy” threw @blindmaximus overboard! Luckily, the @hookalopes were there to save him!
MIDNIGHT @mattiedog smacks that Willy … on the left hand side!
12:01 AM Bail is set and announced for @marshallsheldon and @Hankthedoggy.
12:03 AM @Hankthedoggy is told he can be naked in his mug shot as it will only be from the neck up.
12:05 AM @Marshallsheldon & @Hankthedoggy are released! Bail was paid by @trailerparkdogs.
12:12 AM @Marshallsheldon is warned not to do it again (or at least, not to be caught doing it again) or else he’ll be back in jail and bail will be doubled!
12:14 AM @mattiedog tells Sekurity that he will keep an eye on the drunk dawgs.
12:15 AM @Hankthedoggy is also warned that bail will be doubled next time!
12:16 AM Officer Duchess signs in to relieve Officer Benji who is stuck under a pile of paperwork!
12:22 AM Officer Benji finally gets done with all the paperwork.
12:31 AM Sekurity learns that it was @trailerparkdogs whale, Willy, who had knocked @blindmaximus overboard earlier.
12:36 AM Little kitten girl, @nutmegtorby, is scared and lost!
12:37 AM Officer Duchess fluffs up a blanket for @nutmegtorby to snuggle on until she goes home.
12:43 AM Sekurity Announcement: Lost baby kitty @nutmegtorby has been found by her brother @CheshireK.
1:59 AM Officer Morris checks in.
HANDOFF REPORT ANIPALS CRAZY!! Lots of excitement! @BlindMaximus was knocked overboard & rescued by @hookalopes. @HankTheDoggy & @marshallsheldon were streaking & iz pounced on dem & Officer Benji helped& dey went to da slammer!! @Benjito95 booked dem in pawprints &mug shots & iz asked anipals if dey would bail dem out. @trailerparkdogs paid da $10 each to bail dem out! wez ad a lost kitty @NutmegTorby but actually sleeping at my feet in a blanket i put out for her! Officier @Benjito95 had some really bad puter problems so dats why iz started early to help
2:00 AM Officer Morris is Sekurity and Officer Duchess clocks out.
3:55 AM Sekurity Announcement regarding spammer “shoppingcharity”. Anipals, block & report!
3:56 AM A pallet of bacon has been stolen from the bar! If the responsible party returns the bacon, no questions will be asked.
4:01 AM Sekurity Announcement: If the stolen bacon is not returned, ALL bacon noms will have to be removed from the menu.
4:10 AM It has been discovered that @CeciltheHusky has stolen (and eaten) all the bacon.
4:15 AM Anipals are advised to look out for “omnomnomzilla”, a nom retweeting bot.
4:16 AM @indykitty donates 500 pounds of bacon to @javathecat’s kitchen for the pawpawty. Wow!!! So generous!!!
4:42 AM Spammer “onlinejob2450” is being reported and blocked!
5:47 AM Officer JB reports for duty.
HANDOFF REPORT There were a few spambots that I advised anipals to block. The main issue was a major bacon theft – the fridge was emptied! No more bacon! The miscreant was @CeciltheHusky, he’d eaten the lot! @JavaTheCat didn’t press charges. Later, @CeciltheHusky tried to make off with the replacement bacon shipment too! I hired @chirpthebird as Special Bacon Sekurity Guard, and padlocked the fridge. @thisbear woke up later, wrapped in the remains of the stolen bacon! Was nearly eaten!
6:00 AM Officer JB clocks in and Officer Morris can now relax and enjoy the pawty.
6:14 AM Sekurity advises @thisbear that he is under Sekurity protection from hungry, bacon-crazed anipals.
6:23 AM @cokiethecat is eyeing up @stephiblue and thinks he can get a good price for her in Amsterdam!
6:27 AM Sekurity warns @cokiethecat that she will put him in a Hippo Headlock if he tries to kidnap guests.
6:57 AM Cruise Ship staff, Sekurity, and guests have been spotted kicking up their heels! http://bit.ly/bz2NfW
8:54 AM Sekurity Announcement: Officer JB is in twitterjail (brig) and will be finishing out her shift as @JBtheHippo. Thank you!
HANDOFF REPORT Been keeping an eye on the fridge full of bacon so no pirates try to break in. Also, been watching @thisbear as he smelled like bacon & was getting the hairy eyeball from some hungry anipals. @cokiethecat is in fine pirate form & was threatening to kidnap folks & take them to Amsterdam. And @jazzydacat ran off with her paws full of @Pepismartdog’s diamonds! Whew!
9:16 AM Officers Aedan & Winston take over Sekurity duties.
10:01 AM Seargant Brutus checks in for duty, but Officers Aedan & Winston offer to stick around a little longer.
10:47 AM Sekurity scratches out a ticket to @mattiedog for freeing his Willy in the hot tub.
10:57 AM Officers Aedan & Winston call Seargant Brutus for backup at the hot tub.
11:02 AM Sekurity is checking boarding passes of guests. If they don’t have one, they better get one or else they’ll be walking the plank!
11:03 AM Sekurity Alert concerning @trailerparkdogs and @mattiedog, who have a Free Willy loose in the hot tub located on the Lido Deck!
11:05 AM Officers Aedan & Winston runs back to the Lido Deck with a towel and a fishnet.
11:06 AM @mattiedog calls the law firm of Tooter, Pooper, Scooper & Associates to defend the rights of his Free Willy.
11:09 AM @trailerparkdogs and @mattiedog guide Willy to dive into the ocean and try to escape capture.
11:10 AM Sekurity tells @trailerparkdogs and @mattiedog that they and their Willys can “hang out” in the brig!
11:11 AM @mattiedog calls for a Free Willy revolution!!!
11:12 AM Bail has been set for Willys, @trailerparkdogs, & @mattiedog.
11:14 AM @hookalopes arrive on the scene as official Willy inspectors.
11:16 AM @mattiedog presents his Willy for inspection. (We are still talking about whales here, right? 🙂
11:23 AM @MoxieDaDoxie, @DuchessCrabtree, & @MattiedogasLola post bail!
11:30 AM @trailerparkdogs, @mattiedog, & their respective Willys are released from the brig.
11:31 AM Officer Winston offers to escort @hookalopes and @MattieDogasLola so no freed Willys get to them.
11:37 AM Sgt. Brutus advises @hookalopes and @Mattiedogaslola that drooling on his Sekurity uniform is strongly discouraged.
11:58 AM Officers Aedan & Winston are having computer problems!
HANDOFF REPORT We had some trouble with @mattiedog & @trailerparkdogs who were freeing their Willys. They were all arrested…but bail was posted for all of them. Nothing else to report.
NOON Officer CheshireK clocks in for his Sekurity shift.
FINAL REPORT The final sekurity shift of the pawty was uneventful. @mattiedog tried to find the bacon that @HenrytheCat2002 reminded me was stolen. No one found the bacon. We suspect the perpetrators ate it. @NutmegTorby did not fall over the rail of the ship thanks to @duchesscrabtree.

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